The Golden Doe
by flawsmadebeautiful
Summary: Voldemort threatens James and Lily's relationship and you always wonder if their relationship would ever survive. For Periwinkle Dwarves, and this time I am sure! Might continue.
1. What the Message Said

**The Golden Doe**

**This one is for PD, or known as Periwinkle Dwarves.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**It is a bit of Angst, and it is a oneshot I think.**

**Okay the made up spell is a mix of the word 'power', the word 'animal', and the word 'soul' in latin. This spell is ancient, and has to do with the soul, which the person releases (willingly) a piece of their soul, and it is a powerful animal. The animal is usually the same as a normal patronus. This one is gold colored, because of the soul in it which guides it. The animal was supposedly used in Wizard and Witches battles, because the animals though they can get hurt, the soul inside will just go back to the owner. So no one can really harm the animal patronus. But they can hurt people, even with their wands, witches and wizards can be harmed depending on the animal. Like a stag could stab with its antlers. Lily's doe is capable of biting and probably kicking.**

**Oh and the doe is relevant because of the saying 'the golden years' which I think is marriage...anyway read.**

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><p><strong>Third<strong>

Lily was standing out in the rain.

James, watched her. He wanted to say he was sorry, that it really wasn't his fault.

But it was, because HE had ended it, not her. He had caused her to cry, not her.

Lily stood, five feet away from James, her back turned away from him.

" Lily?" James tried.

Lily didn't turn around, but let one tear slowly roll down her cheek.

" What do you want? Are you here to tell me that now you're cheating on me?" Lily asked, anger covering her hurt. " Are you here to tell me why you broke up with me? Is that what you want?"

" Lily I never wanted to break up with you!" James pleaded, not daring to get any closer to her.

" That's a lie James Potter. If you loved me, then why would you break up with me? Is there someone else? Do you like my friend? Anyone else? Or is this just because I'm not a pretty as I used to be? Because I'm not the one for you?" Lily snapped, not turning around.

" Don't say that Lily. I do love you, and you're beautiful, and you are the one for me. I just can't be with you," James said.

Lily whipped around. " What now? Are you afraid because you love me? If you loved me James, why would you do this?"

" I did it to save you," James replied.

Lily rolled her eyes. " It's already over James. I don't want to talk to you right now," she said, shoving past him and walking back toward the castle.

James sighed, following her, but still scared.

He followed doubtfully, and he still refused to tell Lily why he had broken up with her. But he had to.

He ran, desperate to catch up to her. He ran up, spinning her around.

Despite the cold rain, he turned her to him, looking into her emerald eyes.

Maybe she was fighting against love too.

He brought his lips to hers, one last time, desperate to feel her lips against his again. She struggled, but he held her wrists lightly. As his lips moved against hers, she began to kiss him back, and stopped her struggling. Instead she kissed him back, one last time.

James pulled away, looking into Lily's eyes, pleading for her to say something.

Lily pulled away, letting her hands fall to her sides.

They gazed into each other's eyes, both of them loving each other.

" I'm sorry James. That can't happen again, I'm sorry," Lily said, slowly turning away, and then running toward the castle.

This time James didn't chase after her. Instead he just watched, lowering his gaze, and turning away as he felt his heart break.

Lily ran, in tears toward her dorm, ignoring all the people she pushed down.

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><p>She spent the whole night, gathering up anything that reminded her of James, and promptly stowing it away in a box.<p>

She put her diamond earrings, emerald necklace, gold bracelet in there too. The earrings were from Sirius, but reminded her of James. The emerald necklace was James's Christmas present to her. And the gold bracelet was from James's mother. Then last of all Lily pulled out her locket, and hung it on his door, then packed her stuff, and moved from the Head's dorm back to her other dorm.

She conjured up a doe, but this one glowed a bright golden color, and suddenly it charged, galloping away.

It was dark magic, well not really. It was ancient magic. Something you couldn't learn from a book.

She was reading a book on jinxes and hexes, when she noticed James walk in, with Sirius and Remus following.

" Hey Remus," she greeted, not even glancing in Sirius's direction.

" I wish you two would make up, I miss you two being together," Remus said quietly.

" He wanted it to end, so he can't complain. How is he doing?" she asked casually, and it was only a day after the break up.

She had vowed that now, she wouldn't cry over him. If he didn't want her then fine. She didn't need him either.

" He's still crying over you Lily. He misses you, and he loves you," Remus replied.

" He's crying?" Lily snapped, her eyes narrowed.

She turned to look at James, and he did look like he had been crying.

" Don't you dare cry over me. I'm over you, and you know what James Potter? You. Have. No. Right. You ended it, so I don't see why you're crying. I should be crying but you know what? No, I refuse to cry over you. I loved you, so if you loved me, why would you tear us apart? I gave you my heart, I gave you everything I had! And yet, it still isn't enough for you. I'm not going to cry, because this is your fault. And I don't want you back, so if you know what's good for you, you'll stay away from me," Lily snarled furiously, and then with a swish of her cloak, she was walking away.

James turned away, but didn't say anything.

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><p>She conjured her doe, and watched it from the tree by the Black Lake, and it seemed to gallop around.<p>

She loved to make her gold doe, it reminded her of hope when everything seemed empty.

It was supposed to be a mix of a patronus for dark wizards, they would send them at the enemy.

James ignored that she was there, and tried to do what she had, get over it.

" Remus!" Lily called, her patronus ran up, at her side. She hugged Remus.

" Don't you love it?" she asked gesturing to her doe.

" That's amazing? What spell is that?" Remus asked.

Lily swished her wand, and the doe vanished.

" Watch, it goes Facula Animaus," Lily replied, bringing her wand through the air, and out burst the doe. **( Pronounced fac-coo-lah anim-A-us the capital a means the letter says its name)**

It was gold and tuned it's amber eyes on James. It charged, rearing, eyes flashing.

Lily made no move to stop it, but did not encourage it. She stood there blankly, not saying a word.

Remus drew his wand, and suddenly Lily vanished it.

" What was that for?" James hollered.

Lily shrugged. " I didn't tell it anything."

" You sent it after me!" James snapped.

Lily rolled her eyes. " Oh please. It's not like you care anyway," she said turning and marching away.

" What makes you think I don't care?" James yelled.

" Like you cared any more than when you broke my heart James!" Lily didn't even bother to turn around. " Besides, it's not like she did any lasting damage." She conjured her doe again and this time a silver one as well, letting the two bound side by side.

She wanted to cry, but she refused to.

That night, she found a dozen white lilies, on her bed.

She sighed, and kept them, but didn't talk to anyone about them.

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><p>They became mutual friends, and then James became an Auror, and Lily a Healer.<p>

They both joined the Order of the Phoenix.

But they weren't together.

Then came James's' wedding day. Supposed to be the perfect day until...Lily.

He didn't notice her in the crowd, she wasn't invited. So she hung in the back, dressed in blue.

She snuck into his dressing room, and left him a note.

Then she left, and didn't see him follow.

_Love, Lily_

That was her note. But on the note, she left a single dried lily petal, before she ran.

He turned, disapparating.

He arrived on a sidewalk, and he noticed a park.

Peering into the darkness, he saw Lily, her legs kicking lightly, as she sat on the swings.

He approached, walking toward her.

She twiddled her wand between her fingers, whispering a spell.

The golden doe appeared, and looked straight into him as though reading his soul.

It took a step forward and then walked, leaving light starry hoofprints.

" James, why aren't you at your wedding?" Lily asked, slipping her wand back into her pocket and then turning to watch her doe.

" I'm not marrying the person I love," he replied.

She sighed, closing her eyes. " Don't."

James didn't dare to say anything.

" Don't say you love me," Lily whispered.

" Why not?" James asked.

Lily stood turning to face him, and studying him for a moment.

" Because I already know," she replied, and kissed him.

" Do you know why I broke up with you all those years ago?" James asked, pulling back.

She rolled her eyes. " Yes, I do and I don't care. Voldemort can threaten me all he wants, if I ruin your bloodline, who really cares?"

" I do if he hurts you," James replied.

" You're an Auror, I am in the Order I don't think we have anything to worry about," Lily replied.

" Will you go out with me?" James asked.

Lily looked thoughtful. " No, but I will attend to your wedding," she replied.

" Works for me," James replied and turned, disapparating with her.

As he turned, the note in his hand fell, and landed lightly on the grass.

It read:

_Let her go. Or else._

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><p><strong>Anyone not understand?<strong>

**If you don't understand just PM me or review, and I'll update later explaining if anyone needs me to.**

**To Periwinkle Dwarves!**

**Please review!**


	2. Traitors and Truth

**The Golden Doe**

**For PD. Periwinkle Dwarves. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

**Okay I finally got back to this. Thank goodness. Anyway, I hope this one will clear things up!**

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><p><strong>Third POV<strong>

Peter Pettigrew sat at the table, a piece of parchment in his hands.

" What do you want me to write my Lord?" he asked in a wavering voice.

No response.

Peter didn't dare push the Dark Lord for anything so he waited.

" Let her go. Or else."

" My Lord?" he asked tentatively.

" Write it Wormtail."

" But why James, my Lord?"

" The Potter boy needs to learn. He's a blood traitor with a fine aim. Just last week he managed to capture one of us. If we could get him on our side. He would be valuable. Very valuable," the Dark Lord said.

" Then why make Lily go away from him? She loves him," Peter asked.

The Dark Lord did not turn around. " The Mudblood. She's a very strong witch indeed. We can look past her blood. But, she can not marry the Potter boy. He must marry a pureblood."

" A pureblood?" Peter asked, flinching at the sound. He knew James, and this idea would not sit well with him. He had never believed in this sort of thing, and had always loved Lily.

Peter believed the same. That blood didn't matter. He was half blood himself. Pretending to be a pureblood, though he knew the Dark Lord probably only wanted him because HE was close to the Potter that the Lord wanted.

Peter obeyed, writing it.

Then he watched as the Lord took it, read it carefully, and then sending it off with a black eagle.

Peter watched it soar away, knowing this was just the first piece that would break James Potter's heart.

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><p>" It's from Him," James said.<p>

Peter didn't have to ask who 'Him' was. It was the Dark Lord.

" What does it say?" Sirius asked, and took the paper James offered.

He looked at James worriedly. " What are you going to do?"

" What can I do?" James asked.

Remus took the note next, and he paled. " You aren't going to push her away are you?"

" I have to Remus," we all looked at James. We rarely used our real names unless it was Order business.

" No you don't. Marry her. You love her."

" If I marry her," he ran his fingers through his hair. " He'll kill her. That's what he'll do. It's because of my bloodline, and she's muggleborn. He doesn't want that. He wants me to join him. But he'll kill her if I don't let her go."

" If you let her go do you know what will happen James?" Sirius asked. " You both love each other. You can't let him do this to you."

" He already has," James replied.

" What do you think Peter?"

Peter jumped. " Oh. Well...maybe Prongs is right. I mean..." he trailed off as Remus and Sirius looked as though they might murder him. " I mean...you shouldn't do what he says. But maybe he's right. I mean, you can't really fight him can you?"

" James mate, just think it over."

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><p>Remus and Sirius both got up, and left, dragging me with them. I could tell we were going to have a talk. A long one.<p>

" What was that Wormtail?" Sirius demanded as soon as we were to the Common Room. " What was it?"

" I'm just being reasonable Pads!" We were in our 7th year. Our final one. And already it looked like our friendship might be dwindling. Not in front of everyone, but behind closed doors our friendship was being torn up.

" Reasonable?" Remus cut in. " Really Peter? James would throw himself off of Hogwarts if he lost Lily. He loves her. You can't tell him that! So what if Voldemort doesn't agree?"

I flinched at the name but Remus continued. " He loves her. He was going to propose to her. Why would you say that? Why?"

He shook my shoulders angrily.

" I'm being realistic! After we're done with Hogwarts, once this is all over, then what? He'll have to let her go or else he'll kill her!"

" He will not! We'll be there Peter. We'll be protecting her life. James will too, he'd give up everything for her."

I shook my head. " He has dark powers. Dark magic. You can't always win," I whispered.

" What's wrong with you Peter!" I was slammed into a wall. I felt my skull come in contact with the wood, and it hurt. But not as much as the look in their eyes. " He loves her! Why are you so against him loving?" Sirius's eyes burned with a hatred that I knew he usually reserved for Snape.

" I'm not. I'm doing what is right for him. He loves her. But while he stays with her, he puts her in a danger that he knows nothing of! He'll murder her! Torture her. He'll do whatever he can to get all the information he can. If her being in the Order isn't enough, her being muggleborn is. Why would he spare her. Haven't you seen all the deaths in the Prophet? He's merciless. He won't stop killing, and she means nothing to him. If James wants to put her at that risk, that's his choice. But I don't want to see her die because I didn't say anything," I snapped.

Sirius glared. " I just told you, he'll protect her with his life. If they die. They die together."

He stepped back, and I turned my head.

" Sirius. What's going on?" James stood at the bottom of the stairs, the note clutched in his hands.

" Nothing," Sirius snapped, turning away from me.

" He'll torture her?" James whispered.

I hated that look in his eyes, and I looked away.

" I said it's nothing," Sirius snapped. " I'm handling this."

James looked at him just as fiercely. " No. Peter is right. I can't have him hurt her. I have to let her go."

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><p>The instant he slammed the door, mud caked on his shoes, water drenching him I knew.<p>

He'd done it.

The lost, empty look in his eyes was enough for anyone to be able to tell.

The day she shouted at him, I saw how with each word, his heart broke just a little more.

When the doe went after him, he gave her flowers, but she never answered.

They stopped talking for a few years.

Then, when they both were officially in the Order, rather than just a sign up list, they talked a little more. But they never kissed, or fell back into the love they once lost.

I felt terrible. Like a creature inside of me was trying to rip me from the inside out whenever I saw the look in his eyes as he watched her walk away again.

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><p>When he left on his wedding day. I knew.<p>

" He's gone after her, hasn't he?" Remus asked knowingly.

I nodded silently.

At the twinge in my left arm, I made up an excuse, saying I would be back...then I too vanished.

" Yes?"

" Wormtail. How good to see you again. Tell me, what is this?"

I took the paper from him. There, written in my own writing was my words that haunted me.

_Let her go. Or else._

" Well it is a note. From you my Lord, to the Potter boy," I answered.

" You said they were apart." It was an accusation on my part.

" They were my Lord." I looked down.

" Then you should be able to tell me what this is doing," he said calmly.

" He doesn't care. He'd rather be happy and marry her than obey what you said," I said hoping I sounded stronger than I felt.

" We will kill him for what he's done," the Dark Lord said quietly.

" Yes Master." The words cut me like a knife to say, and I knew I was on my road to betrayal.

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><p>After the wedding, I watched in silence.<p>

I pulled out my wand, whispering the words Lily loved so much. " Facula Animaus."

Wisps of gold came from the tip of my wand. Slowly, it appeared, it was a rat.

It looked up at me. And then I broke down, I cried.

I knew I was in too deep. No one could save me. I had let the Dark Lord deceive me, and he lied.

Worse, I had believed him.

I had believed that he would honor me if I killed them. But really, I was betraying my friends...and myself at the same time.

So why did that seem like it was worth it?

Now I only did as he said because I knew the truth. I knew I had nothing to lose. By joining him, I had already lost my friends. I had nothing to gain.

I wanted it over. With or without me he would kill James Potter.

I hoped someone would kill me after all of the things I did.

Because in truth, I knew I deserved it.

I couldn't even save myself anymore. What was I doing?

I was killing my best friends. The friends who once trusted me. The loyalty that I had never broken, was shattered in the halls I once walked.

Why did I join him?

What would I ever do now?

I couldn't run. Because I wanted it over.

More than once, I had wondered if I could kill myself.

But I couldn't do it. Because I wanted to see how much they hated me, reflected in their eyes, how much I hated myself. I wanted them to hate me, I wanted them to hate me enough to kill me, end my life. My sorrow.


End file.
